


Feather in My Cap

by Rachel1987



Category: Adventures In Wonderland (TV 1992)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25255600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel1987/pseuds/Rachel1987
Summary: An unexpected visitor joins Hatter and Hare for their tea party. And Hare wants them gone.Rated T for language.
Kudos: 1





	Feather in My Cap

Hare walked up the path to Hatter's house with a spring in his step. He was having a rather good day. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, there was a cool breeze running through the trees, his garden was in full bloom! The only thing that could make the day better was a nice tea party with his best friend! And that's exactly what the plan was!

He strode up the little walkway humming to himself, stopping to do a little jig and a spin, when he stopped and faced the little gate with the address 1602 Teapot Terrace assigned to it.

"Someone is in a good mood today!" came a familiar voice from the tea table.

"Gwahuhuh…" Hare chortled, hopping the fence gleefully, beaming. "Hello Hatter!"

"You look like you found an extra chocolate pudding cup in the back of your fridge again," the tall man laughed from his seat on the table. "What's got you in such a good mood?"

Hare did another little happy spin, stopping dead in his tracks as his eyes focused on the Hatter. He was surrounded by mountains of mail and he was sorting them by envelope color, all address side down, sipping from a purple teacup. And, curiously, he had a green parrot sitting upon his head.

Hare's mouth gaped a little, not quite sure what to say. It was a strange sight. "Hatter, what is that perched on your head?"

"My top hat, silly!" he replied with a laugh, shoulders bouncing. "I think you've seen it before!"

"No, not thaat!" Hare waved his hands, pointing at the bird with a yellow finger. "The parrot!"

"Oh, that!" Hatter sat upright, reaching his hands up and removing his hat, the parrot not shifting from its spot. He paused, as if to drop some big news on his best friend, before shrugging. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Where'd it come from?" Hare rushed around the table, quite intrigued, taking a seat at his usual spot to Hatter's left.

"I went to get my mail and it landed upon my noggin while I was on my way there…" Hatter mused, reaching a gloved finger out and petting the parrot sweetly. It closed his eyes and fluffed out, nuzzling the digit lovingly. "I tried to chase it off, but it kept following me. So I brought it back here. I've named it Fedora."

Hare reached his hand out and the bird seemed completely uninterested and, if it were a human, would have sneered at him. It continued to love on Hatter's attention, nibbling at the seam at his glove.

"I think it's a blue-crowned conure," Hare said matter-of-factly, adjusting his glasses on his nose. Hatter's brow dropped and he glanced at his friend quizzically, blinking a few times. "I know stuff…" Hare added.

"Well, anyhow, this bird must belong to someone. I've never seen one in Wonderland before."

"I wonder who it belongs to…" Hare leaned his elbows on the table, watching the bird hop off of the top hat and roam its way around. It walked all the way down to Dormouse's teapot, knocked on it with its beak and squawked.

The lid of the teapot flipped open and a brown head popped out, looking around. "Someone knock?" He blinked and he focused on the bird, gave a loud shriek and dove back into the depths of his house, slamming the lid behind him.

The parrot chuckled to itself, bobbing its little head, eyes slitted as he made its way back to Hatter.

"I like it…" Hatter announced, placing his hat back upon his head.

"What should we do with it?" Hare asked, reaching his hand out again to see if the bird would accept him. He was completely ignored, Fedora going the long way around various teacups and food trays so it wouldn't have to even look at him.

"I don't know…" Hatter muttered, who was quite taken with the bird. Usually he wasn't one for pets (Hare had been asking for one for years) but this little parrot had charmed him in the hours since they had met.

"Do you think it talks?" Hare asked. "Some conures can speak, you know."

"Hmm…" Hatter considered this, a finger to his lips as Fedora climbed up his other arm. "Fedora, can you say 'top hat'?"

Fedora looked at him, blinked, cocked its head to the side and said "Top hat!"

Hatter and Hare gasped, looking at each other with excited expressions on their faces.

"Can you say 'crumpet'?" Hare asked.

Fedora looked at him with angry eyes and turned its head away, causing his shoulders to droop in disappointment.

"Come on, Fedora! Say 'crumpet'!" Hatter said the word slowly, like how you'd say it to a child who was learning to speak.

With its eyes still slitted, it peeked over at the Hatter and whispered "Crumpet."

Hatter laughed joyously but the Hare was getting the feeling that the bird didn't like him very much. Maybe he just had to warm up to him. After all, the Hatter had been with him for a couple hours. Perhaps it just took time for him to get used to you.

They spent the next few hours building the parrot's vocabulary, eventually learning that he could repeat entire sentences too. As the day turned into night, they moved the party inside, settling on the sofa in front of the television watching Hatter Knows Best reruns. They were sipping tea and eating cookies when the Hatter had an idea.

"How about this…" Hatter said aloud. "Fedora, repeat after me: A pirate, history relates, Was scuffling with some of his mates, When he slipped on a cutlass, Which rendered him nutless, And practically useless on dates."

Hare snorted and choked on his tea, eyes filling with tears as he laughed. "Hatter!" he bellowed, shaking his head. "That's terrible! Where did you hear that?"

"It's in my dirty joke book…" Hatter shrugged, pulling it out from between the cushions of the couch and handing it to the hare. "What do you say, little guy? A pirate, history relates…"

Fedora, who was sitting upon Hatter's knee, fluttered its wings and shouted at the top of its lungs "Nutless!"

Hatter's mouth fell open and he slowly gazed at the Hare, making eye contact with him.

"Hatter, do you know what this means?"

Hatter beamed like the 12 year old he is and nodded.

"We can teach it dirty words!" they shouted together, laughing joyously. Hare completely forgot that the bird had been throwing him major shade all night, getting wrapped up in this realization.

They spent the rest of the evening and into the early morning hours teaching Fedora all sorts of dirty words, giggling like little boys the entire time. No words were off limits, they went through every dirty word in the Wonderland dictionary. They knew because they opened it and went page by page to find them all.

It was nearly two in the morning when the Hare yawned, having a headache from all their laughing. "It's getting late, Hatter. Maybe I should go home."

Hatter was sitting on the sofa, Hare leaned against him, Fedora puttering around the table still full of energy. He was tired and didn't feel like going to bed alone tonight.

"Why don't you stay the night?" Hatter offered.

Hare yawned again and nodded, not needing much encouragement. "Sure," he said with a smile, patting Hatter on the knee as he got to his feet, making his way to the bathroom. Hatter watched him leave before returning his attention to Fedora.

"Okay, little guy, it's time for beddy-bye." Hatter scooped the bird up and placed him in a birdcage they had set it up in the kitchen while they made dinner earlier that night. They discovered it in the attic and it didn't have a front door, but it would serve its purpose well enough. Fedora walked himself in, sat on the little swing inside, tucked his head under his wing and fell asleep almost immediately.

Hatter made his way to his bedroom, removing his bow tie and putting his top hat on its home, before getting ready for bed.

* * *

"HATTTEEEERRRRRR!" came a loud scream from the darkness of the house.

Hatter's eyes shot open from a dead sleep and he ran through the house, tripping over all manner of items that blocked his way in the darkness. He reached the kitchen, shirtless, heart pounding and out of breath, to find Hare on top of the fridge, Fedora stomping around on the floor, laughing his ass off, screaming all the dirty words they had taught it earlier that night.

"Hatter, that -thing- chased me up here! It's going to kill me!"

"Oh, Hare!" Hatter wheezed, putting his hand to his chest as his bare feet walked over the linoleum, bending down to pick up the parrot. "I thought this was serious. Fedora isn't going to kill you."

"Yes it is!" Hare protested, holding his hand up defensively, as if the bird would attack at any moment. "I swear to god, Hatter! We have to get rid of that thing!"

"Oh, pfffft!" Hatter waved Hare's fears away, placing the bird on his shoulder to let it nuzzle against his neck.

"I'm serious!" Hare climbed off the top of the fridge and was standing on the countertop, keeping a six foot distance from the bird at all times. "It doesn't like me! I just came out here to get a glass of water and it chased me! It kept screaming 'fuck you' at me!"

"Did you do that, Fedora?" Hatter asked the bird, who laughed like an asshole and muttered the words 'mutha fucka'.

"See!" Hare pointed at it with his finger. "It hates me!"

"Alright, alright!" Hatter bobbed his head around. "Fine! Tomorrow we'll make posters and put them up around Wonderland. Try to find his home."

Hare sighed gratefully, still standing on the countertop. "Thank you…" he breathed. He bent down and went to put his foot on the linoleum when Fedora flapped its wings and squawked, causing Hare to leap back onto the fridge again.

* * *

The rest of the night was a wash. They had to put Fedora in the attic because he kept knocking on the bedroom door like a parent who was making sure no hanky-panky was going on. Hare was so nervous that the bird was going to learn to open doors, that he spent most of the night watching infomercials on television, eyes darting to the gap below the door to make sure little feet weren't there.

At around noon the three set out to the Wonderland Mall. They were going to get a photo taken of Fedora at the Smear's Photo Center and then go to Copy/Paste/Print and get posters made so they could put them around to try to find Fedora's original owner.

They had to hide the parrot under Hatter's top hat in order to get on the bus, the driver had a strict 'no pets' policy in place it seemed. Hatter kept fidgeting because the bird was trying to nest in his blond locks, causing him to look like a toddler who had to go to the bathroom.

When they finally got to the mall, Hatter had to comb his hair out in the men's bathroom because his pride just wouldn't let him be seen with an unruly mop, even if it was underneath his cap.

"You ready?" Hare asked, clearly already done with the Hatter's shit today. He hadn't slept at all and the bird kept making lunges at him.

"Yes…" Hatter beamed, Fedora perched on his shoulder as they entered the mall, beelining for the Smear's Photo Center.

They would meet with disappointment though. Smear's, it seems, only took photographs of people. Pets were strictly prohibited.

"Guess we'll have to go to WonderPetsmart…" Hare groaned. He hated going into that store, it made him uncomfortable.

"How was I to know that Smear's wouldn't take photos of your pet unless they're a service animal!" Hatter shouted, clearly in an outrage. "And could you believe they didn't believe me when I said he -was- my service animal!"

"Yes… it's a wonder how they didn't believe that was your Visual Description parrot because you're visually impaired…" Hare rolled his eyes, hearing the parrot shout "fuck you" at the top of its voice.

They made their way across the mall, passing all sorts of fun shops that on any other day they would have meandered through to browse. Hare really wanted to stop at the bath shop to smell candles and maybe get another bath toy, but of course the damn parrot was messing up his plans.

They got to WonderPetsmart and stopped outside, seeing a large sign posted in the window for their photo services.

"Look, Hare! A 2-for-1 deal!" Hatter read, pointing out the sign. "Maybe we should have brought the Dormouse along! We could have gotten his portrait done for his graduation announcement cards."

"Yes, such a shame…" Hare rolled his eyes, his skin crawling as he looked into the shop. He liked pet sores on a good day, but some of them frankly weirded him out.

They made their way inside and straight to the photo counter, where they took a number and waited to be called. It seemed they were busy and they would have to wait a little. They browsed around, looking at the puppies in the window and all the pet collars and water dishes, when Hatter started shouting from a couple aisles over.

"Hare! Hare, come look at this!"

Hare made his way and stopped at the head of the aisle when he saw the Hatter, holding Fedora, who was wearing a little peter pan collar and an attached bow tie.

"I think this is the perfect look for his portrait!" Hatter beamed, standing among a dozen or more pet accessories that were thrown around the floor.

"You're… dressing up the parrot? That you're going to give away?" Hare arched an eyebrow, hands on his hips.

"Well…" he shrugged, adjusting the little bow tie on the proud parrot's chest. "He should look his best when he gets his picture taken. Wouldn't want the photo to not come out right."

Hare sighed and put a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes under his glasses as he heard a voice from the counter call their number.

"Oh, goody!" Hatter shouted, scrambling to get to the counter.

Thirty minutes later, they left WonderPetsmart, photos in hand.

"Did you really have to get your photo taken with the bird?" Hare asked, flipping through the prints they purchased. None of them were of just Fedora, all of them featured the Hatter as well. There was one of the parrot on his hat, one on his shoulder, one of Fedora whispering something in Hatters ear (who had a surprised look on his face), one of them pointing at each other and laughing…

"Come on, Hare! It didn't cost any extra!" Hatter shrugged, nabbing the photographs out of his friend's hands and looking at them himself. "I think they came out swell!"

Hare rolled his eyes and they made their way to Copy/Paste/Print. Another half an hour passed and they left the shop with 200 paper flyers printed.

"You still want to go to Movie Land Videos and pick up a tape for movie night?" Hatter asked, holding Hare's hand as they walked. They had made up a little while they were in the copy store, but that was probably because Fedora had to hide under Hatter's top hat again in order to get inside.

"Sure, that sounds like fun," Hare agreed. "Maybe we'll grab dinner from the Carpenter's Pizzeria. I think they have that Wednesday night special on large pizzas."

"Indeedy do!" Hatter smiled, swinging their arms as they made their way to the video store. They browsed for a while, Hare in the Romance section and Hatter in the Adventure section, before they both met up in Comedy.

"I think 'Three Amigos'..." Hatter nodded, feeling the bird shift under his hat as his head bobbed.

"More like three's a crowd…" Hare muttered under his breath, hearing a soft 'mama's boy' come from under Hatter's dome. He scrunched his face up and shot daggers at that top hat, wishing he could rip it off his head and strangle the things neck.

"Hmm…" Hatter put a finger to his chin and continued to scan the titles that were available. "You sure you don't just want to watch Casablanca?"

"Hatter, I've already told you, that film is too long. I don't think you have the attention span for it."

Hatter harrumphed and continued to scan. Why was it always so hard to pick a movie to rent? It's like there were too many options!

They eventually settled on 'Spaceballs' because it featured a good looking human, a goofy looking animal sidekick and some potty humor. Hare also grabbed 'The Philadelphia Story' because he just had to watch it one more time.

Leaving with their selections, they dropped by the Carpenter's Pizzeria and grabbed a large double pepperoni pizza (remembering to tape a flyer to their window) and made their way to the bus stop to go home.

* * *

"We might want to reheat this…" Hare said as they walked through the front door. "It's looking a little cold."

"Nothing to worry about," Hatter waved, placing Fedora in his cage as he spoke. "We can just nuke it."

Hare glared at the bird, who glared back at him, before dishing out the pizza and setting them in the microwave.

Hatter got the vcr set up in the living room and Hare brought in the food and snacks. He'd also managed to brew some tea while getting everything together.

"We all set?" Hare asked, setting down a bowl of popcorn and the plates of pizza.

"I think so…" Hatter muttered, squatted down in front of the television, slamming the side of it with his palm to get the screen to work.

"You should really get a new one," Hare said, taking a seat on the sofa. "That one is probably fifteen years old."

"It's never not worked before…" Hatter scrunched up his face and gave it one last good thump, before the screen flickered into life. "Eureka!"

"My what?" Hare asked, mouth full of pepperoni.

"Here we are…" Hatter did a little dance and shuffled his way beside Hare, letting him cuddle into him as they relaxed together. They didn't make it very far into the film when an unwanted visitor made its presence known.

"Asshole! Asshole!" Fedora squawked as he flew onto the coffee table, landing in the bowl of popcorn. "Mutha fukka!"

Hare cringed and Hatter looked at it with an amused look on his face.

"Maybe we should have taught it better language…" Hare groaned, watching it root around on the table, flipping over paper plates and shoving things onto the floor.

"It would have learned it from somewhere. Better from us than from a stranger."

Hare thought about this and nodded. "How true that is," he said, before cuddling into Hatter's side, pulling the blanket up around them a little closer. Hare rested his head on Hatter's shoulder and watched the screen, chuckling at the space antics, when he felt something peck his head hard.

"Hey!" he shouted, hand going to his thick head of hair, turning to see Fedora where his head had been. He looked down at his fingers, glad to not see any blood, but furious all the same.

"What's the problem?" Hatter asked, clueless as ever.

"That -thing- bit me!"

Hatter gasped. "Fedora! Did you bite Hare?"

"Cocksucker!" he announced, flapping his wings and then making a noise that could only be described as sounding like a car alarm. Hare covered his ears and scooted away a little, a panicked look on his face.

Hatter didn't move an inch. He just smacked his lips and waited for the noise to end before speaking. "Guess he did."

"Hatter, can we put him in the attic?"

"That would be awfully rude, Hare," Hatter protested. "He'll miss the rest of the film." Fedora nuzzled up against the Hatter's neck, hiding in his blonde curls, making little happy chirping sounds.

Hare pulled his lips to one side and pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. For the rest of the night, every time Hare got too close to the Hatter, Fedora would make his car alarm sound until they were at least three feet apart. At the close of the evening, when they shared a goodnight kiss at the door, Fedora got so outraged that he swooped down and attacked Hare's head with his feet. He ran all the way home, sure that the bird from hell was following him.

* * *

"What are you doing, Mr Hare?" Alice asked, peeking around the tree to see Hare pinning a flyer to it.

It was the next morning and the Hare had already made good headway in putting up flyers. He had dropped by the Palace and the Tweedles and left a flyer with all of them, and had started littering the forest with them. It seemed like every tree had a flyer pinned to it.

"Oh, hi Alice," Hare smiled weakly. "I'm putting up flyers. Hatter found a parrot and we're trying to find its owner so we can give it back." Alice was offered a paper and took it, her green eyes scanning the black and white photo xeroxed onto it. The image was of the top of Hatter's head, eyes looking up at a medium sized parrot in a bow tie.

"What a cute parrot!" the girl smiled. "Looks like Hatter really likes him."

"Well, I hate it," Hare said uncharacteristically bluntly. "And it hates me."

"Oh, Mr Hare, I'm sure he doesn't hate you…" she tried to console him. "Nobody could hate you."

Hare looked at her with a pursed mouth and pulled his glove off, showing her his hand that was covered in bandages from beak bites.

"Oh…" Alice put a hand to her mouth, biting her lip a little. "Well, maybe if he just got to know you he'd like you."

"It called me a co-… not nice thing, Alice…" Hare stated. "It doesn't want to get to know me."

Alice grimaced and took the stack of flyers from the Hare, helping him put them up on trees and telephone poles as they walked.

After wandering around the Wonderland forest for half an hour, they arrived at the Hat house just in time for the afternoon tea party. Hare's bad mood had lightened up in the girl's company and he seemed more like his old jovial self. He was sure that the flyers were going to work! The parrot would soon be gone and his future was looking bright again!

"Hello, Mr Hatter!" Alice greeted him as Hare held the gate open for her.

Hatter was sitting crossed legged on the table, an eye patch covering his left eye and a large pirate hat on his head. Fedora was sitting on his shoulder in a miniature version of the same hat.

"Hello, Alice," he said as if nothing was amiss.

"That's… quite an interesting look you have going on there, Hatter…" Hare gaped.

"Was this a costume tea party?" Alice asked.

"No…" Hatter shook his head, again, like nothing was out of the ordinary. The large purple feather that stuck out of his hat swished at the movement. Fedora shouted "asshole!" at the Hare.

Alice and the Hare gasped as he covered her ears and the Hatter frowned at Fedora. "Fedora! There's a child present!"

Fedora cocked its head to the side and blinked, sneering at the Hare and saying "Buttface" at him.

The parrot seemed to like Alice enough. It allowed her to pet him and even sat on her shoulder for a little while.

"He seems nice to me…" she said with a smile, scratching it with her finger. The Hare sat at the far end of the table, arms crossed over his chest, with a flyswatter at the ready. "What do you think of him, Mr Hatter?"

"Oh, I think he's darrrrrrrling…" he said, slurring his 'r' in an attempt to sound like a pirate. Alice laughed and Hare looked at him blankly, still miffed. "You know what they say, Alice. A parrot is a pirate's best friend."

Getting up from his seat, the Hatter strode through the IN door of the Hat house and immediately through the OUT door, in a full pirate getup. The Rabbit would have thought the hat was gaudy, but the rest of his outfit would have been outright garish. It was as if Liberace and Elvis got together and decided to combine their forces to make the most outrageous pirate outfit ever. It had buckles and sparkles and fur and boots that went up just above Hatter's knees.

Hare's jaw dropped to the table. He wondered why he had never seen that outfit before and why he hadn't been allowed to try it on.

Hatter held his hand out and Fedora flew to him, landing with a proud squawk.

Shanty music started and Hatter strode to the table, strutting his stuff around like he had treasure spilling from his pockets, singing about the life of a pirate and how lonely it was. How his only friend was his parrot by his side! There were so many pirate puns it would have made the average Wonderlandian heave. But he worked it, Fedora adding in his own touches to the song every so often, shouting words like "Me bucko" and "Yo ho ho". This went on for about a minute before the Hatter walked back through the IN door and out the OUT door, returning in his regular purple suit with the mutton sleeves. He still had the hat and eye patch on. He walked calmly to his seat and sat down demurely, looking at Alice with a smile before saying

"I guess I like him okay."

After the initial shock of that music number, Hare shook his head and looked away from the Hatter, still pouting.

"Poo Poo head!" Fedora shouted.

* * *

The tea party continued and eventually Alice made her way home. The sun was going down when the candlestick phone started to ring from the center of the tea table. Hatter sauntered over to it, Fedora on his shoulder, and picked up the earpiece and the receiver.

"Hatter's hat making services: We've got a bonnet for your noggin, a chapeau for your nut and a helmet for your crown. This is the Mad Hatter speaking."

He was silent for a while, nodding and 'uh-huh'ing, Fedora pacing his shoulder. Hare watched the bird with contempt, sipping his tea angrily.

"Okay, well, thanks for calling…" Hatter said, nodding. "Y… Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. Uh-huh. Okay... Bye Bye now."

He hung the phone up and took a seat on the table, grabbing another finger sandwich and nibbling on it.

Hare remained silent for a while, before the curiosity got to him. "Who was it?"

"It was Fedora's owner…" he said. "Or, rather, Sir Stenson's owner. They're coming to pick him up in the morning."

Hare spat his tea all down the front of him, not sure he was believing his ears. "W-what?"

Hatter looked up at him with a blank face. "Yup… looks like your flyer idea worked. Little guy is going home tomorrow."

Hare felt like the heavens opened up and light shone down upon him. He didn't think he'd be more happy if he had walked into a bedroom to see Hatter naked on a bed, covered in chocolate and strawberries.

"Really? You aren't shitting me?" Hare got so excited, he got to his feet and rushed over to Hatter, reaching out to him only for Fedora (or Sir Stenson) to car alarm.

"Nope," Hatter said coolly. "He's going back in the morning. You excited, little guy?"

Fedora fluffed up his chest and flapped his wings, as if that meant something. With slitted eyes, he glared at Hare, and muttered "Asshole."

* * *

The next morning couldn't come soon enough. The moment the sun was above the horizon, Hare was out of his bed, showered and on his way to the Hat house. The spring in his step that had vanished a couple days before was back! Nothing could bring him down!

He hummed to himself as he walked the pathways, thinking about all the snuggling and movie watching and smooching they'd be able to do once that damn parrot was out of their lives.

Doing a little jig, and a spin, he opened the gate and walked up to the tea table. Hatter was nowhere to be seen, so he must have still been asleep. Hare knocked, then waited… then used his key to get in.

He puttered around for a while in the house, noting that Hatter was still asleep and that damn parrot was in the bedroom with him. He made breakfast and cleaned the house a little as he waited for his friend to get up. He turned on the television and had a rerun of Oprah playing when the Hatter graced him with his presence. He was in his pajamas with a robe wrapped around himself and his top hat was on his head.

"This is a nice surprise…" Hatter said happily, taking a fresh cup of tea when it was offered. "You been waiting long?"

"No, not really," Hare shrugged, looking over the tall man's shoulder to see if it was safe to touch him. As if on cue, the bird swooped down and landed on his hat. Hare pouted.

"You've come to see Fedora off then?" Hatter asked, taking a seat and offering the parrot a crumpet.

"I thought you'd like the company," he replied, taking a seat as close as he dared to the him. "Do you know what time they're coming to get him?" He didn't want to seem too eager to see the bird gone… but he was ready for the thing to be gone.

"I think they said 10?" Hatter thought to himself. "I'm not really sure. I don't remember."

"Of course not…" Hare thought to himself, picking up a piece of toast and eating it.

There came a knock on the door and the pair sat up to attention. Hare got to his feet and answered it, seeing a man with round eyes, a little pencil mustache and a top hat on. "Hi, yes, I'm here for the parrot."

Hare turned and looked at the Hatter, who had gotten up from his seat, briskly walked into his bedroom and immediately back out again, looking like he had showered and taken great effort to dress himself. With long legs, he strode to the entryway, a welcoming smile on his face as he exited through the OUT door.

"Hi, welcome welcome! Would you like some tea?"

The man looked up at the Hatter (who was a foot taller than him) and gulped. "No… I want my parrot."

Hatter's happy demeanor faltered a little and his arms dropped to his sides. "Ah…" he muttered. "Well, here he is."

Lifting his top hat, the parrot was revealed, in his peter pan collared, bow tied glory.

"Sir Stenson!" the man exclaimed, clapping his hands. "Oh, thank you for taking good care of him!"

"Mutha Fucka!" Fedora shouted.

There was a crash as Hare dropped a full tray of tea and cups at the door and the man's face fell.

"Oh my…" the man muttered, putting a hand to his mouth.

"He, heh… might have learned a few things…" Hatter said with a nervous laugh. Why hadn't he thought this through?

The man gawked at the pair, put Sir Stenson in the cage he had under his arm, and scurried away without another word.

And, like that, the parrot was gone.

Hatter watched the man walk away, a little sad, wishing he'd had one more chance to say goodbye.

Hare's ears dropped, seeing that the Hatter was upset about losing Fedora. Sure, he didn't like him very much (at all really) but Hatter had grown attached. And he felt badly for him. Putting a hand out, he patted the tall man's shoulder. "It's okay, Hatter. We can get another pet."

Hatter scrunched up his face and sighed, remaining silent for a while. "Naw… that bird left feathers and shit all over my house."

He then strode away and into the Hat house to get some more crumpets, already almost completely forgetting about Fedora, the dirty talking parrot.


End file.
